True Beauty, and a Shattered Self-Esteem

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;  But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

1 Peter 3:3-4

As I've shared before, these past three years have been a little rough for me self-esteem wise.  My hair has fallen out, I've had three back to back pregnancies, and my cystic acne is worse now than when I was a teenager.  It's been so easy to feel like a failure as a woman, and a failure as a wife.  I know I'm not the only insecure one out there.

For the past year I've slowly been working on a Biblical study of beauty, it's been hard but I'd like to share a little bit with you now.  I'd love to eventually make this a full book, but we'll see how it goes ; )

You walk down your hallway, and it catches your eye.  You’ve been avoiding it all day, but now there’s no ignoring it.  Walking over to your mirror you cautiously peer into its silver depths, and dislike hate what you see. 

Maybe it’s your round face, a stray eyebrow (as my mother calls them) above your lip, or a pimple in the worst possible place.  Maybe you see lumps and bumps under your clothes that weren’t there ten years ago, or maybe you’ve never liked your shape.  You might think your skin is too pale, or too dark, maybe it’s blotchy.  Perhaps you think your knees are too knobby and your calves too chubby.  It could be that you’re too short, or perhaps too tall.  Chances are when you look in the mirror there will be something that you don’t like.

You wonder how Narcissus couldn’t stop looking at his reflection, when the sight of yours makes want to run and hide.  After looking at yourself in the mirror your perfectly good day suddenly turns sour.  Gazing upon your reflection brings back insecurities from years past, and sometimes looking at it might even bring tears to your eyes.  You think about the women who keep sheets over their mirrors, and consider for a moment doing the same to yours.

Logically when I pass by the mirror I know that my body has done absolutely amazing things, chief of which is bringing 3 children into this world.  I can logically know I am healthy and have a lot to be incredibly grateful for; but there are times when I look in the mirror and it just hurts.  Taunts from the elementary schoolyard ring in my ears, jealousy of women I wish I looked like flares up, and in that moment I hate my 

reflection.

The truth is though, we are not the only ones who hate what we see in the mirror.  There is someone who in fact hates our reflections more than we ever could.   

That someone of course is Satan.

Lucifer was created as a beautiful Angel of light covered in precious stones.  And as beautiful as Lucifer was, he wasn’t made in God’s image, and was not His greatest creation.  Mankind however is both, and Satan hates it.

When Satan sees our reflections in the mirror, the chubby thighs, double chins, saggy backsides, extra weight, and minuscule imperfections that we hate so much, Satan hates too.  Satan however doesn’t hate our reflections because they don’t measure up to some Madison Avenue ideal.  No, Satan hates our reflections because every aspect reminds him of the Creator that he so vehemently detests.

Let that sink in a moment: Satan hates our reflections, because we remind him of God! 

We are made in God’s image.  We are His most precious creation.  When we look in the mirror and hate what we see, we detest something that was made after God’s own glorious, perfect image.

You deserve to see yourself as the beautiful creation, made after the image of God that you are.  That is how Satan sees you, and he hates it.  That is how we should see ourselves and celebrate it.

Imagine yourself free from insecurity.  Imagine never again getting intensely depressed when you look into the mirror.  Emboldened by this truth, set free from this plague, what does your walk with God look like?  Are you more effective in his service?  Are you able to draw from the Lord's strength or are you held back by insecurities?

You were made in the image of God, see it and celebrate it.

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Things I've Learned From My Marriage: God Really Does Provide

I remember, it was a few weeks before our wedding, my future husband had just secured a job (back when it was a little easier to find one).  We could finally figure out a budget.

Sitting down together we began entering numbers into excel. Lot rent, homeowners, medical insurance, lights, water, cell phones, gas, groceries.   We totaled up all our necessities to see if we had enough money to make it.

And we did! Barely, but we had enough money.  Our joy was short-lived however because one of us noticed we had forgotten to include our tithe in our budget.

It would have been easy to not tithe, but not tithing simply wasn't an option for us.  Rather than with-holding from God, we decided to start our marriage in faith.  And God has always taken care of us.

Shortly after getting married I received a fabulous job offer for THE BEST company I've ever worked for.  My husband unfortunately wasn't making too much in his current position, but we were in a position now that we could save money for the children we prayed were coming.

Once again our joy was short-lived, my husband's place of work had a fire, then never re-opened.It wasn't long after that we found out I was expecting.

Again it would have been easy to justify not tithing, but once again we decided to trust God even though our income had shrunk.

We trusted God, and once again we were blessed, because I received a promotion from work and had some very good months.  I was also working part time two other places while my husband searched for a job and worked on completing his bachelors.

God enabled us not only to live on just my income, but continue to save as well.  We were praying though that my husband would be able to find a job before I had the baby.  A few weeks after his unemployment ran out (back before it was extended) he did.  It wasn't a high paying position but he'd be eligible for benefits and it was full-time WORK!


Because we'd grown so used to living on one income we just continued to save, my pay checks this time.


We were faithful to God, and God blessed us.  Between job changes, promotions, pay-raises, the generosity of others and extra work, we were always able to meet our obligations.  It may not have been the way I wanted to learn things, but God always remains faithful.

"I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread." Psalm 37:25

Will you learn along with me? Let's encourage one another.

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Lessons From My Marriage, Leading Takes Time and Link Up

The Bible says our husbands should be our spiritual leader.  When I first got married I was so frustrated because it felt like my husband wasn't "leading".

I had this picture in my mind of what my husband the "great spiritual leader" would look like.  I envisioned morning devotions with coffee and committed prayer time with one another.  I figured we'd be spending much of our conversation time in deep theological discussions, all because my husband would be the "spiritual leader."

My husband however had 2 big things going against him.  The first was he had never been married, he had never been the "spiritual leader" before and had zero experience in this field.  The second thing going against my husband, was in the same way he had no idea how to lead, I had no idea how to follow. Oh, sure we had some idea of what leading and following should look like, but it's a completely different to know what you should do and actually make a habit out of doing it.


I hate to admit it but this became an area of frustration for us early on in our marriage and it needn't have.  It probably would have helped me to know that this was normal.  I figured leading would come naturally for my husband, and following would come naturally for me. HA!  Oh the things life teaches us.

It's funny, as I was linking up this morning to different blogs it just seemed like I was forgetting one link-up but I just couldn't put my finger on it.  Oh yeah!  Mine.  Better late than never I suppose : )

Will you learn along with me? Let's encourage one another.

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Lessons From My Marriage, Expectations

This Saturday my husband and I celebrated our 5 year wedding anniversary, well we actually celebrated on Friday when we had a sitter, but you get the idea.

 It's funny, I've been a wife longer than I have been a mother, and yet I am so intimidated about writing on the subject of marriage.  I can write about my kids all day, but my marriage, eeek!

This week I'm going to try and get over the hurdle of fear though and share some things that I've learned.  Things that I wish someone would have told me.  Things I hope everyone can relate to.  Because let's face it, marriage isn't easy.  It's not always sunshine, butterflies, and unicorns.

Everyone talks about needing realistic expectations before getting married.  I knew this, in fact I read book after book and listened to sermon after sermon about adjusting my expectations before getting married.  I braced myself for the morning breath, socks all over the house, and the other bachelor habits that were sure to appear. I told myself my husband wouldn't be perfect, we weren't going to fight over these things because my expectations were adjusted.

I was ready. HA!!! How in the world could any young woman who's never been married be ready?!

I may have adjusted my expectations on a lot of "issues" but there were still so many areas that I hadn't really even considered.  There were areas of our relationship that even after dating 4 years, I had no idea would become "issues" after getting married.  

So over the past 5 years, we've both adjusted our expectations and taken course corrections.  We've tried to go at things with a good sense of humor and joy.  And we've of course tried to to seek God's will for our lives.

What lessons have you learned from your marriage?

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Romance in a World With Children

My husband tried to steal a kiss from me all morning, but each time we had a moment alone together, my children sensed something and made their presence known, as only young children can.

So, what is a young married couple to do when it comes to romance?

Taken from dictionary.com:

ro·mance

¹    [n., adj. roh-mans, roh-mans; v.roh-mans]  Show IPA noun, verb, -manced, -manc·ing,adjective

noun

1.

a novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic ormarvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic  exploits, etc., usuallyin a historical or imaginary setting.

2.

the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales.

3.

a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in someRomance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, orsupernatural events, often in the form of allegory.

4.

a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration orfanciful invention.

5.

a romantic  spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.

Isn't it funny that out of the 5 definitions for romance only one of them isn't fictional?  We can't expect the world's fictional depiction of romance to exist in our day to day lives.  Sure we might be able to have a truly "romantic" date here and there.  Like this one, *so jealous*.  But let's be for real, overnight getaways and drawn out excursions aren't practical for parents of young children.


That's Okay!!  The best piece of advice I can give to parents is simply adjust your expectations.


When the Bible talks about love it never mentions romantic excursions that allow a couple to escape from reality.  What it does speak to however, is how love is giving and generous.  It speaks of how true love, love that resembles the love of Christ, never fails.  


When I read about love in the Bible, I can't help but see how raising children is used to teach real love.  Children force us to see beyond ourselves and truly sacrifice.  The love that they develop in our hearts, and the fruit they develop in our lives is in my opinion better for a marriage than any date could ever be.  I know I love my husband better now, that I'm a mother because I have a better understanding of what love truly is.


There will be seasons in marriage where fictionalized romance just can't happen, but that doesn't mean the love between husband and wife needs to suffer.  Yes dates are important, but God will use whatever season you are in to build your marriage if you allow Him. 


Allow God to teach you what true love looks like, and let your children teach you how to sacrifice. 

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My Husband Rocks! (And Yours Does too)

I've been waiting to write a post for a while in honor of my husband.  This contest finally gave me a good excuse.

Society has a lot to say about husbands and fathers.   Television shows and commercials practically scream that men are:

"Fat! Lazy! Insensitive! Stupid! Foolish!" 

Even father's day cards tend to have an abundance of jokes about remote controls, easy chairs, and beer, but little mention of how wonderful our dad's or husbands actually are.  The fact of the matter, is that most men (those who are abusive to themselves or others excluded) are fabulous and will rise to the occasion if their wives would just give them the opportunity, but unfortunately despite the wonderful things feminism may have brought our society, (equal pay, the right to vote, hmmmm.... maybe that's it) it came at the price of women trying to take on the role of men. 

Instead of allowing  our husbands the chance to be the men God designed them to be, we step in. Society has told us we can do those "boy things" just as well if not better (much better than the sitcom dad).

I wish I could say that in the course of my marriage I always let my husband lead, and I willingly followed, but the fact of the matter is I, like most women, tended to act independently.  Praise God, there was a true turning point in our marriage.

I agonized over the decision to return to work after having our first child before I even considered asking my husband what he thought.  I couldn't decide on my own, which was probably the only reason why I sought his input.  I went back and forth in my mind, I even left on my maternity leave without informing the company of my intentions because I truly didn't know what I wanted.  When I asked him if I should return to work his answer was simple, "No."

"No?!" Didn't he realize I was making more money than him?  Didn't he realize my earning potential was greater than his? Didn't he realize it was a job that I truly enjoyed?

He did realize those things, but he also realized it was his responsibility to provide for our family, not mine. He realized I would do a much better job running our home than he ever would.  He realized there were things I could provide our children that he couldn't.  He also had the faith that despite the numbers we were looking at, that me staying home was the right thing to do and God would honor that.

I'm truly glad I allowed my husband to make that decision, if he hadn't I'd probably still be sitting with pen in hand debating about writing a letter of resignation.

God designed our men to bear burdens we women never would.  He designed them to fight battles we would never need to face.  He designed them to lead in faith when ours is too weak.  Even if we do not recognize the strength our men must show on a daily basis, they're showing it.  It's easy to focus on our husband's faults,  to celebrate his  God given masculinity, is difficult; but our men so deserve it.

Our husbands deserve our thanks and praise for all that they do.  They deserve us to overlook the socks strewn about or the peanut butter knives left in the sink.  They deserve our hugs, affection, and most of all respect.

I truly believe most husbands "rock" and I've tried to avoid specific examples about why mine does because I don't want another woman to read this and sigh wistfully wishing their husband was as wonderful as mine (and he is wonderful).  However since it is father's day this weekend I'll close with an example of how my husband shows me love.  

 Scriptures make it pretty clear that a husband is supposed to lead, but it is also clear he is supposed to love his wife as well.  The following example has nothing to do with his leadership, just an act of love for me and our children.

I've been nursing and/or pregnant for almost our entire marriage.  I haven't felt myself in almost 4 years.  I've been tired beyond belief, If I don't get 9 or ten hours of sleep I'm literally non-functioning the next day.  Despite the fact that my husband stays up late trying to complete his schooling for ordination, despite the fact he needs to get up early the next day, he is the one to get up and help one of our children in the middle of the night if they're crying (and a night almost never passes when they don't).  He doesn't need to be the one doing this, but he does. He does it for me, he does it for them.  He does it because he loves us and despite the fact God has designed him to be a leader, he is serving us as well.

In my eyes my husband is a knight in shining armor, daily slaying dragons for our family.  The fact of the matter is, if I allowed the world to influence my thoughts on this wonderful man I might not feel the same way.  So much of our life if just simple perception.  I choose to perceive my husband the way God does: a man who is saved by God's grace; who is trying his best to lead and love; who is trying to follow after God with all his heart; and who truly desires what is best for his family.

Happy Father's Day to A Husband who Rocks!

Marriage isn't about Feelings

I was going to post a recipe today but my test run turned out just plain awful.  No matter how much the morning show hosts smile on TV when they try black bean brownies don't believe them, they're horrible!

I'm so grateful for the godly counsel I received before going into marriage.  Sure there have been some surprises, no one ever told me for example that the way my husband loads the dishwasher would make me want to pull my hair out! (praise God he's willing to load it, so I've learned not to complain)  I was however aware going in to marriage that feelings change over time and was advised, by many, never to rely on feelings because they are not the basis of a good marriage.

It deeply saddens me to read pieces like this New York Times article. A celebration of 2 individuals who decided to rely on their feelings rather than their vows.  In case you haven't heard the story about the Riddell and Partilla wedding announcement, they openly admitted they  fell in love with each other while married to other people. Rather than being shamed by their affair they openly celebrate the "uncontrollable feelings"  that ruined 2 marriages.

Jeremiah 7:19 comes to mind on this subject:

" The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?"

I truly wish these two families the best, I hope that all parties can learn to forgive one another and the children do not have to suffer through another divorce.  However all the pain involved could have been avoided if the couple would have chosen to celebrate their former marriages rather than the "feelings" they had for each other.  Unfortunately if they haven't learned their lesson nothing will stop their feelings from getting in the way again in this marriage.

What's incredibly sad is that so many people of my generation have bought into the notion that we each have one soul-mate out there waiting for us.  The moment we're married and our "feelings" begin to change it's easy to panic and say, "Oh my gosh! I've missed my soul-mate! This wasn't the right person for me!" Leading one to choose the path of divorce.  Sadly this happens all too often.  Our daily choices make a marriage not our feelings.

For the record, my marriage at the moment is perfectly happy.  The only thing that brought this article to mind was reading this blog post.  I was so impressed with what Matt Kaufman wrote that I just had to give my 2 cents on the matter.

Blessings!

The Dragon at Heart's Door

The Fair Maiden is trapped.  The dragon sits at the threshold of her home, and it may as well be the threshold of her heart.  Its glittering red scales are iridescent in the pale rays of sunlight that sneak into her chamber. The beasts muscled body is that of pure strength, no other creature is as magnificent as this one. The maiden is too terrified to notice the beauty of the beast which is her captor.  She can appreciate nothing, she is trapped. Unable to leave her prison, unable to function within it, she stares at the dragon and weeps.

One night however as she lay sleeping, the bravest most valiant knight of the kingdom arrives to vanquish the dragon.  The maiden is vaguely aware something is going on outside her chamber door, but she is to weary to investigate or care.  Little did she know the battle of the ages was occurring whilst she slept.  The dragon unwilling to give up his captive fought with all his might, but the good knight was too strong and too cunning.  Soon after the fight began the dragon could see there was no winning and left, leaving the knight to claim his glory.  The good knight however did not do this for the accolades of slaying another dragon, he did this for the maiden who slept in the chambers guarded by the foul beast.

The following morning the fair maiden awoke, the dishes were done, the floor had been swept!  A load of dish towels were clean and the house had been tidied!  Her dragon had been slain and she had the most wonderful knight of the kingdom to thank for it. 

(OK so I realize this may be a bit melodramatic, but my house has gotten a little out of hand lately because of Holiday activities.  I did not expect my husband to do what he did, but it’s like a huge weight has lifted off of my shoulders and I truly appreciate it.)