Saturday, July 21, 2012

It Doesn't Matter If You Spoil Your Kids Part 2

Yesterday I talked about the rash of “spoiling” posts I’ve seen lately, and  although valid how they might be causing some mothers to worry needlessly about their parenting.

Our greatest goal as a parent should not be immediate obedience by the time a child is 18 months, potty training by 2, no whining by 3, no yelling by 4 etc. Our greatest goal as a parent should be that our children will one day choose Christ as Lord and Savior and love Him with all their hearts.  Now is obedience an important key in this? Yes of course, but instead of stressing over whether or not our children are spoiled consider the following.

As a parent you have the ultimate source of wisdom, and it isn’t blog posts. God promises in his word that if we need wisdom all we need to do is ask and he will give it to us liberally without upbraiding (reproaching) us.  God will give you wisdom for your specific situation if you ask, period.  Will he sometimes use blog posts, maybe, but I think sometimes as Christian moms (and dads) we sometimes put too much emphasis on what other parent’s think rather than what the Word of God says on a particular issue.  Go to the Word, and go to God in prayer first, seek advice second. Oh, and then test the advice against scripture.

God desires your success as a parent even more than you do.  Remember how I said the true measure of parenting success is not that your child isn’t spoiled rather that they come to know salvation, well God desires your child’s salvation even more than you do!  It’s Gods will that none should perish but all should come into repentance.  When you ask God for help and wisdom in your parenting and pray for your children’s salvation you are praying in the will of God. And praying in the will of God is a powerful thing.

Ultimately spoiling your children doesn’t matter.  I can have the most well behaved child in the universe who is destined for hell as an adult if they don’t have Christ in their heart.   Whether they were spoiled at that point no longer matters. 

We don’t need to parent based on someone’s “your child might be spoiled…..” lists.  We can parent knowing, with full confidence that God will help us if we ask.  We can parent knowing ultimate wisdom is only a Bible page away.  We can parent out of a place of grace rather than regret or fear. 

Don’t stress if your child is defined as spoiled by an arbitrary list, they might be, but don’t stress about it.  Invite God to parent alongside you.  Pray like you’ve never prayed before.  Study the word as if you’re studying for the most important test of your life (in some ways you are).  Depend on his strength, not your own.  Ask him to work in spite of your faults and remove impurities.

Trust in Him with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  Depend on HIM!  The Bible isn’t lying when it says we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. 

Know that God will help, because He will.

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  1. Thank you again. We were on deputation for two years with a very active preschool boy and two younger girls. We got a lot of criticism. Were we perfect parents? No. But those with quiet laid-back children thought we were out of God's will as parents. Anyway, I struggled with it, REALLY struggled with it. Until, God showed me the example of His children Israel. Talk about spoiled behaviour! So as I seek to pattern my parenting after God's, I don't worry about the criticism of others. By God's grace I have two children saved, with a passion for souls; and one who is starting to question her need of salvation. They are 7, 6, and 4. God is doing a pretty good job with them in spite of my failures.

  2. I always held my children a LOT. I loved on them, bragged on them at home and in front of others. People would tell me I was going to spoil them by holding them so much, but my children are a blessing. I have 5 and they are ages 14-24. All of them were potty trained by 18 months old, with only one or two accidents after that, they didn't yell or whine, because I trained them not to. It made our home much more enjoyable and the children have always been a blessing for others to be around. We have a family now that their kids yell and whine ALL the time and no one likes to be around them. I believe that obedience to parents leads children to be obedient to God. I don't want my kids to have God have to speak to them over and over before they listen. Also, whining and yelling make the atmosphere of the home tense. I told my kids they could scream all they wanted, outside! All of our children were spoiled with love but they were and are a blessing because they are obedient and our home is calm and sweet. I know different people have different definitions of spoiling.

  3. Sandra, I completely agree obedience is VERY important. Some kids will whine and yell though, even for the best of parents. My point was simply if we're seeking God in our parenting he will guide us, we can be assured.

  4. My children all obey wonderfully, and we are Agnostic. They are not baptized, don't say their prayers, and rely on themselves and us for guidance, not god. Spoiling has nothing to do with religion. So many of these "homemaking blogs" are harsh and judgemental towards anyone unlike them. I enjoy your blog very much but can't help but feel that my family is looked down upon by many in the "homemaking" community.

  5. So good! My greatest failure as a mom was looking to people instead of God for what my family should look like. I could never measure up. Learning to let the Holy Spirit lead me in my mothering and to parent by grace has been the best thing that every happened to the way I raise my kids. Thanks for encouraging moms to listen to Jesus!

  6. Thanks for directing us back to the SOURCE of wisdom. It's so easy to get sidetracked with every other "good parent's" opinions. Blessings from a mom in Iowa!


Please be kind when commenting, I don't mind differing views but all mean spirited and hateful comments get the ax!