Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Feeling Like a Failure

I've been re-writing resume's lately to bring in some extra money and I'm amazed how many people still have their high school GPA on their resume decades after they've graduated.  At a certain point those grades just don't matter anymore.

I know I've written about my obsession with grades in High School before, but good grades were very affirming to me, they proved to myself that I could do something well.  They also proved to my high school brain that I was somehow more intellegent and better than the majorety of my peers.

I wish I could say that I "wised up" when I was in college, but I was still just as obsessed with my grades.  I made the Deans list every semester.  Good grades were becoming an idol of sorts to me.

Since I transferred my Junior year I was ineligible to graduate with honors.  When I found this out I WAS CRUSHED.  I had spent the past 8 years of my life attempting to prove myself as somehow better than other's because of my smarts and diligence and now I wasn't even able to walk with tassles.  Needless to say I was very grumpy the day of graduation.

It turned out however that I had been nominated for other honors on graduation day.  I had been awarded an exemplenary citizenship award, and yet at the time I wished I just would have been able to graduate with acedemic honors.  Upon reflection I find it funny that my preference would have been to be known as a smart person rather than a kind one.

As an adult now, I realize that grades from school mean very little, but I sometimes still give myself a report card.  And even though there is no real grading scale sometimes I get obssessed with my "grades."

When it comes to my part time work I grade myself based on my ability to generate income, how many page hits I get, interest in the giveaways I run, eBook sales and comments on various websites.  And often times I just feel like my "grades" aren't good enough and I'm not measuring up.

When it comes to parenting I'm just as hard on myself, except now I grade myself based on my children's behavior.  Whenever my kids misbehave I'm always in danger of taking it very personally. Sometimes I feel myself obsessing about these "grades" just like I did when I was in school.

Obsessing about "grades" however misses the point.  Writing just to make money, or parenting just to demand obediance are not the goals that I should have. 

Living for God, working for God, serving and blessing others.  Loving my children and raising them to love the Lord. These things are the goal.  These are the things of eternal significance. Everything else is just like your high school GPA, one day it won't matter anymore.

Before we get to the link-up: I would love to be a blessing to you today (and in return you would be a blessing to me) I am currently running a giveaway where every entry recieves a prize and one person wins an Amazon gift card.  Would you help make it a sucess?

Now it's time to link up your posts, anything encouraging or anything that's a blessing.  Share that which is valuable to eternity.